I have a dodgy look about me. Sometimes I look in the mirror in the morning and decide I look too dodgy for my own good and think it is better all round if I stay at home.

This is not the kind of dodgy feeling you get when standing in TJ Hughes with a pack of plastic cups in one hand and an empty carrier bag in the other, with people looking at you like you are a shoplifter.

This is the other kind - the one that hurts.

Slowly but surely I have become public enemy number one and I have no idea how it happened.

It kind of crept up on me I think and there is nothing I can do about it.

Oh, there are those out there who say it's not all bad and I am over-reacting and fellas like me have nothing to worry about but I have begun to doubt that very much.

It started innocently enough.

At first it was only the people that looked really dodgy that needed to be on the lookout.

They had a strange look about them that made them stand out from the crowd.

But I sense that has changed. Who's fault is it that I now look more dodgy than I did some years ago?

Is it those terrorists who are to blame? Is it the Prime Minister's fault?

Or his boss the US President? Or could it be the police themselves because they are experts at dodgy intelligence?

I would rather not say in case I come across more dodgy than I already am.

But in truth my level of dodgyness' has never been greater.

Looking less dodgy is getting tougher by the day.

I have tried looking like a less of a threat to the general British public but it doesn't seem to be working.

I go to work, I pay my council tax on time, I pick up litter whenever I can, I enjoy fish and chips more than a curry and even help at least one old lady with her shopping once a week.

Despite my best intentions I look more dodgy now than yesterday and it seems to be getting worse.

I was thinking of going on one of those Great British picnics this week but was advised not to take a flask and stay well away from the woods.

Hey, but I'm not moaning about it. Instead I insist that it's just a passing phase and things will return to normality sooner or later.

Maybe I will look less dodgy tomorrow morning or the day after that.

You never know.