MY friend went to see Madonna at the weekend. "Did you get her autograph?", I asked. "No, she was too far away," she replied.

"And I didn't think there was any point hanging round the stage door."

With the crowd of minders attached to many stars of today it is hard to imagine anyone getting close enough to sign the back of your programme.

Like stamp collecting, autograph hunting has a limited life span.

After a certain age, it's not the done thing. Except of course, when it's a signed book, which is special and appreciates in value - unless it's Anthea Turner's autobiography.

Asking someone to write their name on the back of a Twix wrapper or a cigarette packet can be a tad awkward, especially if you don't smoke.

Now it wouldn't enter my head to ask for anyone's autograph, no matter how big a star.

After all, when you think about it, it's only a name on a bit of paper.

People must be very trusting to buy autographs - and, judging by the number of internet sites devoted to them - they are much sought-after, some fetching thousands of pounds.

I was in my early teens when I got my first. I had gone to watch a tennis match with the school and Virginia Wade was sitting not far from us.

We had all taken our autograph books and passed them all along the row.

I remember being really disappointed when it came back because I couldn't read it.

I've got a few others from that day - most are illegible and probably belong to the ball boys.

In fact, I've got so many scrawled, illegible names in my book, I wrote the names in pencil alongside so I'd know who they were.

I've only waited at a stage door once, with a friend who wanted Dennis Waterman's autograph.

I remember he was small and grumpy but signed the scrap of paper she presented.

Interspersed with my autographs are little rhymes, written by friends when we left school.

These are far more entertaining and meaningful than any famous names.

And fame doesn't last, which is a big consideration to anyone selling autographs.

On one auction site there's a 'clearance' list, with the likes of Handy Andy (Dave Warwick) off Changing Rooms, Christopher Biggins, Ulrika Jonsson and some members of The Grumbleweeds.

I don't have a use for my autographs. I'm toying with sticking them on eBay, or touting them at a car boot sale. You never know.

Marlon Brando's signature fetches thousands. So does Elvis's. Geoff Boycott is my best bet to make a few bob.

I'll start the bidding at 30p. Or is Kevin Keegan more famous?