Its been a long time coming but sooner or later those claims folk were going to get it.

Its got ridiculous dont you think?...there is more to life than putting a claim in.

Who do you think youre kidding?

I hit a car the other day and it wasnt even my fault and the brother was already putting a claim in before calling the police.

Hello Uncle, meree Gadhi Da Accident Ho gaya Hai. he pleaded down the phone

Oh puttar... wait there Im coming round with the family and we can all claim together. What a blessed day for us this is. It seems Eid has come early for us this year.

After gathering half his family this bloke then decided to lay the guilt trip at my door.

Do you know I have to go work in the morning? Can you hire me a car? My wife is pregnant whos going to take her to the hospital now? I only just got a brand new £3,000 exhaust fitted!

The cars only worth £2,000!

There was nothing wrong with his vehicle A scratch on a bumber does not mean the car is a write off!

After some silly conversations we part company and that, my friends, is the worst bit because you know for a fact that the next few weeks are going to be hell.

Phone calls from the insurance company soon follow, as do calls from some shrill lawyer whos not even properly qualified, and even some friends of this guy.

When everything is done and dusted you might even get a ring from one of your own relatives. They want you to say they were in the car too so they can take a couple of months off work and put a claim in.

And if you dont claim, everyone thinks youre stupid. Brother, I think you should put a claim in...everyone does it...do you know I got five grand last year?

Its as if everyone has won the lottery!

Then there are the really sincere and quiet types who dont say anything when they crash into your car. BEWARE of these mothers. These are the most dangerous kanjjars around.

At the time of the crash they say nothing but as soon as you head off home youre screwed.

To your face they will be really cool about the whole thing but within weeks you will receive calls from insurance companies saying the guy had to take a week off work because of all the mental stress he suffered.

On top of that his car is a total write-off, as is his brothers Toyota (which wasnt even involved in the crash!) and three other people in the motor (all of whom werent there!) are all claiming for stress fractures to the skull!

All that from a little bump.