By Trevor Heagin, Peel Road, Colne.

I'd love to hug a hoody,
lend a sympathetic ear,
Still, I'd check my wallet
as I wipe away a tear.

I'd shake hands with the burglar,
who stole my DVD
He needs a mini-motorbike
to scream out "Look at Me!"

I'd pat the person on the back,
for spray-painting my wall,
and invite him in (profanities
would look great in my hall).

I'd give the Braincell in my pub
a lager and a smile
Reaching out will mend the ways
of a career yob awaiting trial.

First, I'd take the do-gooders,
who dream up PC guff,
for a nice trip in the countryside
and kick 'em off a bluff.

You may think that a violent act
"He's murder in his blood!"
"He's watched too many horror films!"
Naaah! I'm just misunderstood.

Maybe I need a hug.